Just what we've been waiting for: a cable news channel devoted entirely to coverage of a weepy, charismatic host sounding the alarm for the apocalypse while scrawling conspiracy theories on chalkboards and illustrating them with puppets. Interspersed, of course, with a rotating selection of sponsorships from companies encouraging gold hoarding and urging you to buy that nifty apocalypse survival kit, just in case.

Except, sadly, we won't be seeing these Glenn Beck clichés splayed out on a Beck 24/7 news channel anytime soon. That's because the oft-rumored outgoing Fox News host has promised that if he was able procure his very own cable channel after his Fox contract expires at the end of the year, he has "no intention whatsoever of doing the show I am doing now on Fox anywhere else." There you have it.

Kick-starting the latest frenzy of Glenn Beck gossip (which looks suspiciously familiar) is a New York Times report speculating that the Fox host is thinking about going Oprah and starting his own cable news channel devoted to, naturally, himself. Beck has a "passionate media brand with a clear point of view," said Larry Kramer, a media consultant, to the Times. Very true, as anyone who can remembers his impressive-despite-conflicting-reports-on-turnout "Restoring Honor" Tea Party revival on the National Mall last summer can attest.

Beck would presumably endorse the idea of a becoming daytime talk show maven. It would fit nicely in his media empire portfolio: right between his lucrative book niche and The Blaze, his conservative web rival to The Huffington Post. Even though the Times details the "enormous risk" of ballooning his brand to an entire network, the company that the paper puts him in (Howard Stern, Oprah Winfrey, and Martha Stewart) must elicit a sly grin from the Fox host.

After all, it's better than speculation that Beck will go the Olbermann route: invest in quirky side projects and join an obscure channel that nobody watches, then "hope" that your former massive, partisan cable news audience will follow you to both destinations. Glenn Beck has already shored up his audience with his TV and radio shows, books, rallies and burgeoning web presence. It's not all that hard to think of him consolidating all of his properties under one (cable/web channel) roof.