THESIS: The American economy has problems
LENGTH: 1274 words
ANIMALS MENTIONED: Dancing bears, pigs ("big fat 'pig' of adjustable rate mortages"), pythons
GOOD QUESTION: "And then what happens when the Federal Reserve has to eat all the uneaten treasuries, while it's already choking to death on collateralized debt obligations and related worthless toxic trash securities?"
ANOTHER GOOD QUESTION: "Why would anybody think that the housing market is going to keep levitating?"
FUN PHRASE: "Upchuck the 'phantom inventory'"
LOOMING PROBLEM: "Vast oversupply of malls, strip malls, office parks, and other furnishings of the expiring 'consumer' economy'"
JUST HOW BIG A PROBLEM IT IS: "About to become the biggest liability that any economy in world history has ever seen"
WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN: They'll be appropriated as "squats for the desperate homeless"
CONCLUSION: "These are the things that trouble my mind at three o'clock in the morning when the wind rises and things bang around spookily. Gird your loins out there for a savage season or two."